St. Joseph's Church Blog

Entry by Rev. Timothy Shea at 03:40 on 2016/06/20

Word is out!!

I am being transferred to a parish with two churches: Blessed Sacrament Church in Amherstview and St. Linus Church in Bath. I was in Blessed Sacrament Church once about ten years ago, but I have never been in the Bath church.

The way it usually works for priests is that you are assigned to a parish for at least six, but no more than twelve years. I have been here at St. Joseph' for eight years. This is the second longest I have ever been at a parish. These eight years have been wonderful for me. This is a great parish with terrific parishioners. I am going to miss you!!

"The Good....The Bad....and The Funny"

A pastor is walking down the street one day when he notices a small boy trying to use the doorbell on a house across the street. However, the boy is very small and the doorbell is too high for him to reach.
After watching the boy's efforts for some time the pastor walks across the street up to the little fellow and rings the doorbell.
Kneeling down next to the child, the pastor smiles and asks, "And now what, my little man?" To which the boy replies, "Run!"

Entry by Rev. Timothy Shea at 08:00 on 2016/06/09

The Church year begins in late November with the First Sunday of Advent. Not only is this the start of the Church year, but it has readings suggesting we prepare for the coming of The Saviour, which we celebrate at Christmas. Soon after the Christmas season, we start to look forward to Ash Wednesday and the Season of Lent. That is followed by the seven weeks of Easter where the readings cover The Resurrection of Jesus and his appearances afterwards. Then we have a bunch of Sundays that celebrate the coming of the Holy Spirit, (Pentecost), Trinity Sunday, and The Solemnity of the Body and Blood of Christ, formerly known as "Corpus Christi Sunday".

So here we are in June, seven months after the beginning of the Church year. So far we have covered the life, death, resurrection and appearances of Jesus, our Saviour. The rest of the Church year is called "Ordinary Time". From now until the end of November you will notice the priest wearing green vestments. For the Catholic Church the colour green means growth. So, during the Ordinary Time of the Church year we do not have any special things to celebrate. Ordinary Time is time for our faith to grow.

"The Good....The Bad....and The Ugly"

The Priest said; "Sister, this is a silent monastery. You are welcome here as long as you like, but you may not speak until directed to do so."

Sister Mary lived in the monastery for 5 years before the Priest said to her, "Sister Mary, you have been here for 5 years. You may speak two words."

Sister Mary said, "Hard bed."

"I'm sorry to hear that," the Priest said, "We will get you a better bed."

After another 5 years, Sister Mary was summoned by the Priest. "You may say another two words, Sister Mary."

"Cold food," said Sister Mary, and the Priest assured her that the food would be better in the future.

On her 15th anniversary at the monastery, the Priest again called Sister Mary in to his office. "You may say two words today."

"I quit," said Sister Mary.

"It's probably best," said the Priest, "You've done nothing but complain since you got here."

Entry by Rev. Timothy Shea at 08:00 on 2016/05/16

This week is the Annual Priests' Retreat. It is a week that I always look forward to. The diocese brings in a Retreat Director who gives three spiritual talks each day plus there is Mass and quiet meditation.

It is a week that is totally different from all the other weeks of the year. It gives us a chance to slow down, to spend more time in prayer and to relax. It recharges the priests. It helps us to have better quality ministry.

Also, we learn important things about God, about ourselves, and about being a better priest.

That is why I look forward to retreat week.

Hopefully I will be new and improved when I get back to the parish.

"The Good....The Bad....and The Funny"

A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper, Guido, has cheated him out of $10,000,000.00.

His bookkeeper is deaf. That was the reason he got the job in the first place. It was assumed that Guido would hear nothing and would therefore never have to testify in court.

When the Godfather goes to confront Guido about the missing $10 million, he takes along his lawyer, who knows sign language. The Godfather tells the lawyer, "Ask him where the money is."

The lawyer, using sign language, asks Guido, "Where's the money?"

Guido signs back, "I don't know what you are talking about."

The lawyer tells the Godfather, "He says he doesn't know what you are talking about."

The Godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it to Guido's head and says, "Ask him again or I'll take him out!"

The lawyer signs to Guido, "He'll take you out if you don't tell him."

Guido trembles and signs back, "OK! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed at my cousin Bruno's house."

The Godfather asks the lawyer, "What did he say?"

The lawyer replies, "He says you don't have the guts to pull the trigger."

Entry by Rev. Timothy Shea at 03:30 on 2016/04/26

This time of year we know what to expect with the weather gradually warming up. As well, we anticipate annual events like Mother's Day, Victoria Day long weekend and Father's Day. With sports, it is the beginning of Blue Jays baseball and the Stanley Cup playoffs.

Also, in our parish, it is the time for First Communion, Confirmation and weddings. What a special time it is for those receiving these special Sacramental blessings.

For the grade 2 students receiving Holy Communion for the first time, it means they have achieved a closer and more intimate relationship with God. For the grade 7 students the Sacrament of Confirmation recognizes that now they are servants that God can count on to share His love. For those receiving the Sacrament of Matrimony, they are blessed with the grace of sharing sacred love.

If you know someone receiving these Sacraments this year, let them know how special they are.

"The Good....The Bad....and The Funny"

After getting all of Pope Francis's luggage loaded into the limo at the airport, (and he doesn't travel light), the driver notices the Pope is still standing on the curb.

'Excuse me, Your Holiness,' says the driver, 'Would you please take your seat so we can leave?'

'Well, to tell you the truth,' says the Pope, 'they never let me drive at the Vatican , and I'd really like to drive today.'

"I'm sorry, Your Holiness, but I cannot let you do that. I'd lose my job! What if something should happen?" protests the driver, wishing he'd never gone to work that morning.

'Who's going to tell?' asks the Pope with a smile.

Reluctantly, the driver gets in the back as the Pope climbs in behind the wheel. The driver quickly regrets his decision when, after exiting the airport, the Pontiff floors it, accelerating the limo to 205 kms. (Remember, the Pope is Argentinian,)(and Fangio the famous racer was Argentinian.)

"Please slow down, Your Holiness," pleads the worried driver, but the Pope keeps the pedal to the metal until they hear sirens.

"Oh, dear God, I'm going to lose my license -- and my job!', moans the driver.

The Pope pulls over and rolls down the window as the cop approaches; but the cop takes one look at him, goes back to his motorcycle, and gets on the radio.

'I need to talk to the Chief,' he says to the dispatcher.

The Chief gets on the radio and the cop tells him that he's stopped a limo going 205 kph.

'So bust him,' says the Chief.

'I don't think we want to do that. He's really important,' said the cop.

The Chief exclaimed, 'All the more reason!'

'No, I mean really important,' said the cop with a bit of persistence.

The Chief then asked, 'Who do you have there, the mayor?'

Cop: 'Bigger.'

Chief: ' A senator?'

Cop: 'Bigger.'

Chief: 'The President?'

Cop: 'Bigger.'

'Well,' said the Chief, 'who is it?'

Cop: 'I think it's God!'

The Chief is even more puzzled and curious, 'What makes you think it's God?'

Cop: 'His chauffeur is the Pope!

Entry by Rev. Timothy Shea at 03:30 on 2016/03/22

Happy Easter everybody!!! Years ago when I was in the seminary, one of the hymns that we sang was "We are Easter People and Alleluia is Our Song". I have not heard that hymn in over forty years, but the title is true for us.

We are Easter People because we are followers of Jesus. We follow him in how we live. We will follow him through death. We will follow him into Heaven. We follow him in Resurrection.

Therefore, we are Easter People....Alleluia!! Alleluia!! Alleluia!!

"The Good....The Bad....and The Funny"

While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds.
She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs.
One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass.
As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, 'The tooth fairy will never believe this!'

Entry by Rev. Timothy Shea at 02:00 on 2016/02/12

The latest news in the parish is that we have confirmation of our welcoming of a family from Syria. We do not know when they will arrive since they are still in a refugee camp in Turkey. Hopefully they can be processed to arrive here by March.

Our parish is responsible for their expenses for one year as they get settled in Canada, so it will be an expensive year.

Fortunately so far, our parishioners have been great by responding generously, but we still need a good response for our fundraisers:

The Purse Auction on February 28th, 2016
St. Patrick's Concert on March 15th, 2016
and a Special Dinner on April 29th, 2016

Hopefully you will be able to support this good cause.

"The Good....the Bad....and The Funny"

Six-year-old Angie and her four-year-old brother Joel were sitting together in church. Joel giggled, sang and talked out loud. Finally, his big sister had enough. "You're not supposed to talk out loud in church."

"Why? Who's going to stop me?" Joel asked.

Angie pointed to the back of the church and said, "See those two men standing by the door? They're hushers."

Entry by Rev. Timothy Shea at 11:00 on 2016/01/04

So it is a New Year: 2016!!

Here are some interesting things about this year:

It is a leap year so it has been four years since we had a February 29th....and it will be four more years until we have another one.

Easter is almost as early as it can get: March 27th. The reason it is so early is because Easter is always the first Sunday after the first full moon after the Spring Equinox, (March 21st) and 2016 has a full moon on March 23rd.

Christmas is on Sunday - so it is good news and bad news for the priest: The good news is one day covers both Christmas and a Sunday; the bad news is there is only one collection.

"The Good....The Bad....and The Funny"

With the Holidays upon us, I would like to share a personal experience with my friends about drinking and driving.

As you may know, some of us have been known to have brushes with the authorities from time to time on the way home after a "social session" out with friends.

Well, two days ago I was out for an evening with friends and had several cocktails followed by some rather nice red wine. Feeling jolly I still had the sense to know that I may be slightly over the limit.

That's when I did something that I've never done before - I took a cab home.

Sure enough on the way home there was a police road block, but since it was a cab they waved it past. I arrived home safely without incident.

This was a real surprise as I had never driven a cab before, I don't know where I got it and
now that it's in my garage I don't know what to do with it.
HAPPY HOLIDAYS

Entry by Rev. Timothy Shea at 03:00 on 2015/12/22

Merry Christmas, everybody!!! What a wonderful time of year!! It seems almost everyone enjoys the Christmas spirit. You encounter people who are happy, optimistic and helpful. It is almost contagious.

For Catholics, this is the second most important celebration of the year: the birth of our Saviour, Jesus Christ. It is a time for us to rejoice that God is with us and God wants us to be with Him forever. That is the joy of Christmas - and, even non-believers share in the joy of Christmas!!

"The Good....The Bad....and The Funny"

It was the day after Christmas at a church in San Francisco. The pastor of the church was looking over the lawn when he noticed that the baby Jesus was missing from among the figures. He hurried outside and saw a little boy with a red wagon and in the wagon was the figure of the little infant Jesus.

He walked up to the boy and said, "Well, where did you get your passenger, my fine friend?"

The little boy replied, "I got Him at church."

"And why did you take Him?"

The boy explained, "Well, about a week before Christmas I prayed to the little Lord Jesus and I told him if he would bring me a red wagon for Christmas I would give him a ride around the block in it."

MERRY CHRISTMAS, EVERYONE!

Entry by Rev. Timothy Shea at 08:00 on 2015/12/07

Now that we are in the midst of Advent, we can appreciate how the Catholic Church has learned to use things as tools to help our faith evolve and to help us get closer to God.

For example, in our church, we have both an Advent wreath and a Jesse tree. The Advent wreath is a "tool" to help us focus on preparing spiritually for Christmas. The candles give us a way to count down in time towards Christmas. The purple tells us to repent, etc. The Jesse tree is a "tool" that helps us see the roots of our faith and to appreciate the faith we have today, and these are only two of the many tools the Church uses to help us with our faith. Some of the other "tools" are the rosary, blessed palms, ashes, holy water, statues, medals, etc. They are called Sacramentals.

"The Good....The Bad....and The Funny"

A Sunday school teacher was telling her class the story of the Good Samaritan. She asked the class, 'If you saw a person lying on the roadside, all wounded and bleeding, what would you do?'

A thoughtful little girl broke the hushed silence, 'I think I'd throw up.'

Entry by Rev. Timothy Shea at 08:00 on 2015/11/23

Advent begins the church year. It is a time for us to prepare spiritually for Christmas.

There are two Advent traditions. The more famous tradition is the Advent wreath. The other tradition is the Jessee tree. This Advent we will have both traditions at St. Joseph's. The Advent wreath symbolizes our four weeks preparing spiritually for Christmas. The Jesse tree reminds us of the roots of our faith by tracing the roots of Jesus. Jesse was the father of King David. Jesus, The Saviour, was from the family of King David. Even being born in Bethlehem.

"The Good....The Bad....and The Funny"

One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.
She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, 'Why are some of your hairs white, Mum?'
Her mother replied, 'Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white.'
The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, 'Mummy, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?

Entry by Rev. Timothy Shea at 08:00 on 2015/11/09

Last Sunday we published the standings after the first month of our Parish Hockey Pool. At the beginning of October, parishioners could fill in a form that was at the bottom of the bulletin. They had to list the eight players they thought would score the most goals. At the end of each month the standings will be in the bulletin.

Right now the leaders are Gerry Bibby and Charlene Thacker. I am in the middle of the over 60 parishioners who entered the pool. I have a couple of Ottawa Senators who are off to a slow start, so I am optimistic about moving up in the standings. Good luck, everybody!!!

The next standings will be the first Sunday of December.

"The Good....The Bad....and The Funny"

God's plan for aging
Most seniors never get enough exercise. In His wisdom God decreed that seniors become forgetful so they would have to search for their glasses, keys and other things thus doing more walking. And God looked down and saw that it was good.
Then God saw there was another need. In His wisdom He made seniors lose co-ordination so they would drop things requiring them to bend, reach & stretch. And God looked down and saw that it was good.
Then God considered the function of bladders and decided seniors would have additional calls of nature requiring more trips to the bathroom, thus providing more exercise. God looked down and saw that it was good.
So if you find as you age, you are getting up and down more, remember it's God's will. It is all in your best interest even though you mutter under your breath.

Entry by Rev. Timothy Shea at 04:00 on 2015/10/01

The recent visit of Pope Francis was a tremendous experience of faith, holiness and humanity. Part of the wonder of it all was the reaction and enthusiasm of non-Catholics. Even hardened reporters and politicians seemed to be thrilled by the presence of Pope Francis. Many of them stated how they were impressed with his humility and his commitment to lead a merciful church.

I mentioned in my homily last Sunday that Pope Francis is like a breath of fresh air for the Catholic Church. This comes from his vast ministerial experience of being with the people actually doing pastoral work as a priest, as a Bishop and as a Cardinal. Other Popes were holy men, but mostly career academics and administrators. As Popes, they emphasized what Jesus said. Pope Francis emphasizes what Jesus did - and we receive the message of mercy.

That is our challenge....to live our faith being merciful. Pope Francis related to everybody the same: President Obama was treated the same as the teacher in the Harlem school, the same as those who were in need, the same as the prisoners. Each person was treated with dignity, acceptance and love. That is mercy. That is our challenge....and so - for you: Be more merciful.

"The Good....The Bad....and The Funny"

God Loves Drunk People Too - A man and his wife were awakened at 3:00 by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push. "Not a chance," says the husband, "it is 3:00 in the morning!"

He slams the door and returns to bed.
"Who was that?" asked his wife.

"Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers.
"Did you help him?" she asks.

"No, I did not, it's three o'clock in the morning and it's bloomin' well pouring with rain out there!"

"Well, you have a short memory," says his wife. "Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him, you should be ashamed of yourself! God loves drunk people too you know."

The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain. He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?"

"Yes," comes back the answer.

"Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband.

"Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark.

"Where are you?" asks the husband.

"Over here on the swing," replied the drunk....

Entry by Rev. Timothy Shea at 10:00 on 2015/09/08

Last week we had another wonderful parish bus trip. Bus trips have been a regular part of our parish social calendar for the last six years.

Fortunately Ernie and Florence Finkle have volunteered to organize the parish bus trips. Because of them, each bus trip has been fun, entertaining, interesting and very enjoyable.

Last week we went to Stratford to see two plays: 'Carousel' and 'The Sound of Music'. Both were terrific!! Then the grande finale for the trip was a stop at the Mandarin Buffet restaurant.

People are already asking "When is the next parish bus trip?".....stay tuned....

"The Good....The Bad....and The Funny"

Lost in Nova Scotia - Only a Canadian would get this:

Two American tourists were driving through Nova Scotia.

As they were approaching Shubenacadde (shoe-been-ack-id-dee), they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town's name. They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch. As they stood at the counter, one tourist asked the employee,

"Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us?

Would you please pronounce where we are....ver-r-ry slo-o-owly?"

The waitress leaned over the counter and says,

"Tiiimmmmm Hoorrrrttooonnns"

Entry by Rev. Timothy Shea at 03:00 on 2015/08/25

Summer is winding down - that means parish life at St. Joseph's is gearing up. I like summer because I get reacquainted with my family at the cottage. Every Sunday is like a family reunion because the cottage is our family headquarters and almost everybody shows up. Because I have six brothers, each one of us is responsible taking one Sunday of the summer and cook for everybody, which usually means cooking for about thirty people. I really enjoy the Sundays when one of my brothers is cooking. I get stressed out when it is my turn to cook. It is a real challenge for an old bachelor celibate. Thankfully some of my brothers and sisters-in-law came to my rescue last Sunday. Now I can relax until next summer. Also as summer winds down, I look forward to life getting busier at the parish. Check out our bulletin to see what is being planned.

"The Good....The Bad....and The Funny"

Oh, the pity of old age. When I went to lunch today, I noticed an old man sitting on a park bench sobbing his eyes out. I stopped and asked him what was wrong. He said, "I have a 22 year old wife at home. She rubs my back every morning and then gets up and makes me pancakes, sausage, fresh fruit and freshly ground coffee."

I said, "Well, then why are you crying?"

He said, "She makes me homemade soup for lunch and my favorite brownies, cleans the house and then watches sports TV with me for the rest of the afternoon."

I said, "Well, why are you crying?"

He said, "For dinner she makes me a gourmet meal with wine and my favorite dessert and then makes love with me until the wee hours"

I said, "Well, why in the world would you be crying?"

He said, "I can't remember where I live!"

Entry by Rev. Timothy Shea at 08:00 on 2015/07/08

Last Saturday after the morning Mass, parishioners were surprised with visit to our church by the Stanley Cup. Andrew Shaw, #65 for the Chicago Blackhawks and a parishioner of St. Joseph's, brought the Stanley Cup and the Clarence Campbell Trophy to the church so we could all see it, touch it, and have our picture taken with it and with Andrew. Andrew was accompanied by his family, (also parishioners here), and Philip Pritchard, the Keeper of The Cup. We started things off with a prayer in memory of Andrew's grandfather, Bill Trumpour. Then Andrew introduced his Grandmother, Marjorie, to everybody - and then it was time for photos. It was a terrific experience!!! And one of the highlights of my priesthood!

"The Good....The Bad....and The Funny"

With all the new technology regarding fertility recently, a 65-year-old was able to give birth...
When she was discharged from the Hospital and went home, I went to visit.
'May I see the new baby?' I asked.
'Not yet ,' she said, 'I'll make coffee and we can chat for a while first.'
Thirty minutes had passed, and I asked, 'May I see the new baby now?'
'No, not yet,' she said.
After another few minutes had elapsed, I asked again, 'May I see the baby now?'
'No, not yet,' replied my friend.
Growing very Impatient, I asked, 'Well, when can I see the baby?'
'WHEN HE CRIES!' she told me.
'WHEN HE CRIES?' I demanded. 'Why do I have to wait until he CRIES?'
'BECAUSE I FORGOT WHERE I PUT HIM, O.K.?'

Entry by Rev. Timothy Shea at 02:00 on 2015/06/22

Recently Pope Francis has been getting a lot of media attention due to his Encyclical "Laudato Si". It is an official Papal letter regarding ecology, nature and being responsible for God's creation.

"Laudato Si" is 192 pages, so it is difficult to summarize it in one paragraph. Rather than give you a summary, here are some of my own impressions of the impact of Pope Francis' Encyclical:

- This document emphasizes that the Catholic Church continues to provide moral leadership. God has entrusted us with His creation and Pope Francis reminds us that we are morally responsible to care for each other and to care for our earthly environment.

- Without stating it directly, Pope Francis tells us that when it comes to environmental issues, we cannot trust politicians or business. Politicians tend to come up with many words that sound great, but produce no constructive action. Business is geared to increasing profits, no matter the consequences to the environment or to people.

- What Pope Francis does express directly is that the poor of the world are usually the victims of ongoing environmental policies.

- Pope Francis encourages everyone to change our attitudes and our actions to truly be God's stewards of the earth and to be our "brother's keeper."

- We need to "intervene positively" to work together with all people in caring for "our common home". We need to change from being self-centered to being God centered; to have an honest dialogue to improve life for all people; to come up with solutions to pollution and climate change.

And so Pope Francis challenges everyone to reshape our attitudes, our habits, and our actions "to aim for a new lifestyle" so that each of us is a more effective steward of creation for the Lord.

"The Good....The Bad....and The Funny"

Two nuns were shopping at a 7-11 store. As they passed by the beer cooler, one nun said to the other, "Wouldn't a nice cold beer or two taste wonderful on a hot summer evening?"

The second nun answered, "Indeed it would, sister, but I would not feel comfortable buying beer since I am certain it would cause a scene at the checkout stand."

"I can handle that without a problem", the other nun replied, and she picked up a six-pack and headed for the check-out. The cashier had a surprised look on his face when the two nuns arrived with a six-pack of beer.

"We use beer for washing our hair." the nun said. "At our convent we call it Catholic shampoo."

Without blinking an eye, the cashier reached under the counter, pulled out a package of pretzel sticks and placed them in the bag with the beer.

He then looked the nun straight in the eye, smiled and said, "The curlers are on the house."

Entry by Rev. Timothy Shea at 10:30 on 2015/06/03

June 2nd was Jerry Mathers' birthday. To a younger generation, it means nothing, but to an older generation, it sparks memories of an old television show called "Leave It To Beaver".

Jerry Mathers played an impulsive little boy nicknamed "Beaver". For those into TV trivia:

- their family name was Cleaver
- he had a big brother: Wally
- and the sneaky kid you could not trust was Eddie Haskell

I have always been fascinated by the title: 'Leave It To Beaver' because sometimes we feel like leaving things for other people to do. I think it is part of our human nature sometimes to try to stay on the sidelines hoping someone else will step up - our TV show would be "Leave It For Somebody Else Besides Me".

That happens when something seems inconvenient or too hard - and it happens when we are lazy or selfish. Whenever it happens to you, it means you have decided you are better than someone else, so you are going to leave it for someone lesser than you to do it.

God is careful and deliberate when He creates us. God creates you with lots of talents, gifts and resources. God has a lot of things He has decided to Leave It To You.

Do not disappoint Him!

"The Good....The Bad....and The Funny"

THE FRONT PORCH

On the first day, God created the dog and said, "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years." The dog said, "That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?" And God saw it was good.

On the second day, God created the monkey and said, "Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a twenty-year life span." The monkey said, "Monkey tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the dog did?" And God, again saw it was good.

On the third day, God created the cow and said, "You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years." The cow said, "That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?" And God agreed it was good.

On the fourth day, God created humans and said, "Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you twenty years." But the human said, "Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?" "Okay," said God, "You asked for it."

So that is why for our first twenty years, we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves. For the next forty years, we slave in the sun to support our family. For the next ten years, we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren. And for the last ten years, we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.

Life has now been explained to you. There is no need to thank me for this valuable information. I'm doing it as a public service. If you are looking for me I will be on the front porch.

Entry by Rev. Timothy Shea at 08:00 on 2015/05/08

So here it is in May.....every May I have flashbacks to my first parish as a pastor: Sacred Heart Church in Lanark, which is about 10 km north of Perth. It is one of our most northern parishes. My first year there in February, I had a funeral and it was so cold, (about -30 degrees), that everybody froze at the cemetery. It was so cold that our faces were freezing and I could not properly pronounce the words of the prayers.

When it was over, I thought to myself, I will never have a burial worse than that....Lo and behold!!!! The following May and practically every May after that, there would be burials that made me wish for a good old cold February burial - and the reason for that - BLACKFLIES!!!

During May, the blackflies are unbelievable....clouds of them....everywhere - so, for May burials, I was trying to be Holy, but the blackflies were relentless: thousands of them, in my eyes, down my throat, up my nose, biting my hands, neck and face. It was awful - it is impossible to forget how bad it was - and that is why every May I have flashbacks to burials in Lanark.

"The Good....The Bad....and The Funny"

Baptizing A Drunk

A man is stumbling through the woods totally drunk when he comes upon a preacher baptising people In the river. The drunk walks into the water and subsequently bumps into the preacher. The preacher turns around and is almost overcome by the smell of booze. Whereupon he asks the drunk, 'Are you ready to find Jesus?'

'Yes I am' replies the drunk. So the preacher grabs him and dunks him in the river. He pulls him up and asks the drunk,'Brother, have you found Jesus?'

The drunk replies, 'No, I haven't.'The preacher, shocked at the answer, dunks him into the water again, but for a bit longer this time. He pulls him out of the water and asks again, 'Have you found Jesus, my brother?'

The drunk again answers, 'No, I have not found Jesus.'

By this time the preacher is at his wits end so he dunks the drunk in the water again, but this
time he holds him down for about 30 seconds. When the drunk begins kicking his arms and legs, the preacher pulls him up. The preacher asks the drunk again, 'For the love of God, have you found Jesus?'

The drunk wipes his eyes and catches his breath and says to the preacher, 'Are you sure this is where he fell in?'

Entry by Rev. Timothy Shea at 03:30 on 2015/04/01

Happy Easter!!!

One of the advantages of the Catholic Church being around for more than 2,000 years is that it has had enough time to adopt meaningful traditions.

One example of that was the Easter Vigil Mass. Over the centuries, the Catholic Church has been able to establish a celebration steeped in meaning. It starts after sunset because the Easter Vigil Mass begins in darkness to represent the darkness of death, the darkness of sin....reminding us of Good Friday.

Then the Easter fire is lit to announce the Resurrection of Jesus and his victory over death and sin - and the whole church is bright with light to celebrate that we are called to follow Jesus to Heaven.

The Easter Season lasts for 50 days, but the Easter Message lasts forever.

Happy Easter!!

"The Good.....the Bad.....and the Funny"

A woman is sitting at a bar enjoying a drink with her girlfriends when an exceptionally tall, handsome man enters. He is so striking that the woman cannot take her eyes off him. The man notices her overly attentive stares and walks directly toward her. Before she can offer her apologies for rudely staring he leans over and whispers, "I'll do anything, absolutely anything that you want me to do for $20. But only on one condition."

Flabbergasted, the woman asks what the condition is. "You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words."

The woman considers his proposition for a moment and then removes a $20 bill from her purse, which she presses into the man's hand along with her address.

She then looks deeply into his eyes, and slowly, and meaningfully says, "Clean my house!"

Entry by Rev. Timothy Shea at 09:30 on 2015/03/16

We have had a good old Canadian winter, but signs of spring are here: setting our clocks ahead; the first day of spring; more sunlight and longer days, etc....

Here is some trivia for you: the word "Lent" is from the old Anglo-Saxon language; it means "springtime", a time for new life. For us it means new life in our faith and in our relationship with God. Easter is always the first Sunday after the first full moon after spring equinox, (March 21st).

By the time Easter arrives, we forget about the darkness of winter and we enjoy the light and warmth of the sun. Likewise spiritually, we celebrate that the darkness of sin and death has been replaced by the light of the Resurrection and the warmth of the love of the son of God. Alleluia on both counts!!!

"The Good....The Bad....and The Funny"

I pulled into the crowded parking lot at the local shopping center and rolled down the car windows to make sure my Labrador Retriever Pup had fresh air.

She was stretched full-out on the back seat and I wanted to impress upon her that she must remain there. I walked to the curb backward, pointing my finger at the car and saying emphatically,

"Now you stay. Do you hear me? Stay! Stay!"

The driver of a nearby car, a pretty young blonde, gave me a strange look and said,

"Why don't you just put it in 'Park'?"

Entry by Rev. Timothy Shea at 10:00 on 2015/02/23

The last blog, I mentioned how I became a blogger at the suggestion of someone else since I was not familiar with any internet stuff.

So.....I wrote my blogs for months - no reaction, no feedback, nothing!!

Then, out of nowhere, a man from Ottawa called the rectory to say he had been reading my blogs. I was thrilled to know someone had read my blog - so I announced at Mass that somebody had actually read my blog....and to my surprise, four more people said they had read my blog - and now since my last blog, I received an e-mail from a lady in Florida saying she read my blog - I was overjoyed, then I wondered if she was reading it for Lent as a penance....

Lent has started: do something for penance for your sins; spend more time in prayer to get closer to God....and keep reading my blog!

"The Good....The Bad....and The Funny"

A young man named Chuck bought a horse from a farmer for $250. The farmer agreed to deliver the horse the next day. The next day, the farmer drove up to Chucks house and said, "Sorry son, but I have some bad news, the horse died."

Chuck replied, "Well, then just give me my money back."

The farmer said, "Can't do that. I went and spent it already."

Chuck said, "Ok, then, just bring me the dead horse."

The farmer asked, "What ya gonna do with him?"

Chuck said, "I'm going to raffle him off."

The farmer said, "You can't raffle off a dead horse!"

Chuck said, "Sure I can, Watch me. I just won't tell any body he's dead."

A month Later, the farmer met up with Chuck and asked, "What happened with that dead horse?"

Chuck said, "I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at five dollars a piece and made a profit of $2495."

The farmer said, "Didn't anyone complain?"

Chuck said, "Just the guy who won. So I gave him his five dollars back."

Entry by Rev. Timothy Shea at 11:40 on 2015/02/06

I am not a computer guy - I do not even have a cell phone....actually this blog was someone else's idea - they told me I am supposed to have a blog.

For the last two years, I have had this blog on the parish website.

All has been well until last week. Suddenly our website disappeared - then it appeared again but just a skeleton of it's former self....It had something to do with changing the host????

We are in the process of getting our website healthy again; and this has been a great excuse for a new blog.

Stay tuned for my regular blog next time.

"The Good....The Bad....and The Funny"

Two 90-year-old women, Rose and Sally, had been friends all of their lives. When it was clear that Rose was dying, Sally visited her every day. One day Sally said, Rose, we both loved playing women's softball all our lives, and we played all through high school. Please do me one favor: when you get to Heaven, somehow you must let me know if there's women's softball there.

Rose looked up at Sally from her deathbed and said, Sally, you've been my best friend for many years. If it's at all possible, I'll do this favor for you.

Shortly after that, Rose passed on.

A few nights later, Sally was awakened from a sound sleep by a blinding flash of white light & a voice calling out to her, Sally, Sally.

Who is it? asked Sally, sitting up suddenly. Who is it?

Sally - It's me, Rose.

You're not Rose. Rose just died.

I'm telling you, it's me, Rose, insisted the voice.

Rose! Where are you?

In Heaven, replied Rose. I have some really good news and a little bad news.

Tell me the good news first, said Sally.

The good news, Rose said, is that there's softball in Heaven. Better yet all of our old buddies who died before us are here, too. Better than that, we're all young again. Better still, it's always springtime, and it never rains or snows. And best of all, we can play softball all we want, & we never get tired.

That's fantastic, said Sally. It's beyond my wildest dreams!

So what's the bad news?

You're pitching Tuesday.

Entry by Rev. Timothy Shea at 02:00 on 2014/11/27

The commercial build up towards Christmas has begun. All kinds of ads on all kinds of media are aimed at our wallets in anticipation of Christmas.

For the Church, the spiritual build up towards Christmas is in Advent. Four weeks to anticipate the birth of our Saviour, preparing our hearts and souls for the special spiritual blessings of Christmas. It is very important that you put your energy and time into preparing yourself spiritually for Christmas, the celebration of the coming of our Saviour, Jesus Christ!!

"The Good.....The Bad.....and The Funny"

Sean is the vicar of a Protestant parish on the border of Northern Ireland and Southern Ireland, and Patrick is the priest at the Roman Catholic Church across the road.

One day they are seen together, erecting a sign which says, "THE END IS NEAR.TURN YOURSELF AROUND NOW, BEFORE IT IS TOO LATE."

As a car speeds past them, the driver leans out his window and yells "Leave people alone, you religious nutters. We don't need your lectures."

From around the next curve they hear screeching tires and a big splash. Shaking his head, Father Patrick says "Dat's da third one dis mornin'."

"Yaa," Sean agrees, then adds, "Do ya tink maybe da sign should just say "BRIDGE CLOSED"?

Entry by Rev. Timothy Shea at 10:00 on 2014/11/11

Last month the Extraordinary Synod in Rome had Bishops from all over the world discussing issues that are relevant to today's families and parishes.

The Synod made lots of headlines usually with news editors choosing to go with headlines to attract readers such as "Divorced People Receiving Communion" or "Gays Not Welcome In The Church". However, the real news about that Synod was the influence of Pope Francis.

Pope Francis changed the usual packaged Synod into an open, dynamic, free-for-all conversation of varying opinions. Pope Francis allowed the Bishops to speak about complex issues that ordinary Catholics talk about. As a result of the Pope's willingness to take a chance on an open discussion, he emphasized that the Catholic Church is alive and well.

Bishop Durocher stated Pope Francis encouraged the Bishops to speak less of sin committed and more about grace to be attained; to focus less on faults of society and more on the Gospel message.

This Extraordinary Synod established the agenda for next year's Big Synod. It should be very interesting!

"The Good....The Bad....and the Funny"

Bill and his wife Blanche go to the state fair every year, And every year Bill would say, "Blanche, I'd like to ride in that helicopter."

Blanche always replied, "I know Bill, but that helicopter ride is fifty bucks, and fifty bucks is fifty bucks!"

One year Bill and Blanche went to the fair, and Bill said, "Blanche, I'm 75 years old. If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance."

To this, Blanche replied, "Bill that helicopter ride is fifty bucks, and fifty bucks is fifty bucks."

The pilot overheard the couple and said, "Folks I'll make you a deal. I'll take the both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and don't say a word I won't charge you a penny! But if you say one word it's fifty dollars."

Bill and Blanche agreed and up they went. The pilot did all kinds of fancy maneuvers, but not a word was heard. He did his daredevil tricks over and over again, but still not a word....When they landed, the pilot turned to Bill and said, "By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't. I'm impressed!"

Bill replied, "Well, to tell you the truth I almost said something when Blanche fell out, but you know, fifty bucks is fifty bucks!"

Entry by Rev. Timothy Shea at 02:00 on 2014/10/14

October is quite a month for me - especially this year with our parishioner, Justin Pulikunnel's Ordination on Saturday, October 4th at St. Mary's Cathedral, followed by his first Mass here the next day. It was a very special parish celebration for those two days.

Then we had a parish bus trip to Stratford to see the musical "Crazy for You', then the NHL started its new season. Then we had Thanksgiving....Still to come is the conclusion of the very rare and important Synod on family and marriage at the Vatican in Rome. On top of all that, October is a month we give honour to the Blessed Virgin, Mary by saying the rosary more often - and - for the World Wide Church, October is "Mission Month", a time for us to pray for and to support Catholic Missionaries.

By the end of this month, I will be ready for a holiday!!

"The Good.....The Bad.....and The Funny"


The Problem With Jury Duty

Just as she was celebrating her 80th birthday, a woman received a jury-duty notice. She called the clerk's office to remind them that she was exempt because of her age.

"You need to come in and fill out the exemption forms," the clerk said.

"But I filled them out last year," she replied.

"You have to fill them out every year."

"Why? Do you think I'm getting younger?"

Entry by Rev. Timothy Shea at 09:00 on 2014/09/05

Vocations to the priesthood are rare during these modern times - and yet our parish has been truly blessed lately.

For the last six years one of our parishioners, Justin Pulikunnel has been studying for the priesthood at St. Augustine's Seminary in Toronto. Then two years ago, we had another Seminarian, Francis Zambon, spend a year with us doing his internship. Both Seminarians had their Diaconate Ordinations in St. Joseph's Church. In May, Francis was ordained to the priesthood - and then celebrated a Mass here with us. Next month Justin will be ordained to the priesthood at the Cathedral in Kingston. His first Mass will be celebrated here in his home parish on October 5th at noon.

Indeed our parish is truly blessed!!! Vocations are alive and well in St. Joseph's parish!!

"The Good.....The Bad.....and The Funny"

A magician was working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The audience would be different each week, so the magician allowed himself to do the same tricks over and over again.

There was only one problem: the captain's parrot saw the shows every week and began to understand what the magician did in every trick. Once he understood that, he started shouting in the middle of the show. "Look, it's not the same hat!", "Look, he's hiding the flowers under the table!", "Hey, why are all the cards the Ace of Spades?"

The magician was furious but couldn't do anything, it was the captain's parrot after all.

One day the ship had an accident and sank. The magician found himself on a piece of wood, in the middle of the ocean, and the parrot was by his side. They stared at each other with contempt, but didn't utter a word. This went on for several days. After a week the parrot finally said, "Okay, I give up. What'd you do with the boat?"

Entry by Rev. Timothy Shea at 08:00 on 2014/08/12

September is coming!! For our parish that means our usual meetings, organizations, activities and events are about to start again.

For me as the pastor it means I have to get ready to gear up after a relaxing summer.

I have had a great summer because, besides the slower pace, I have made it to our family cottage a few times; I played in two golf tournaments for priests; and I have been out on my bike too!!

I hope you have been able to enjoy your summer - and I hope you will take advantage of our many parish opportunities.

The Good.....The Bad.....and The Funny

"Paraprosdokians are figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected; frequently humourous. The following are just a few great examples.....

1. Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list.
3. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
4. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
5. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
6. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
7. You're never too old to learn something stupid."

Entry by Rev. Timothy Shea at 16:00 on 2014/07/14

This year our Diocese only moved a couple of priests. Fr. Jan Kusyk moves to Lanark to be the pastor of three churches: Lanark, McDonald's Corners and Stanleyville. Our former Seminarian intern, Fr. Francis Zambon is going to be the associate at St. Joseph's in Kingston.

Both of these young men are excellent priests. Jan is going to be a pastor for the first time; and Francis in going to his first full time pastoral assignment.

As a veteran priest for forty years, I think back to my first pastoral assignment at St. Mary's Cathedral; then St. Peter's in Trenton; then my first time as a pastoral at Sacred Heart in Lanark, followed by being pastor of St. Columbanus in Elgin, St. Mary's in Morrisburg, Holy Name in Kingston Mills, and now St. Joseph's in Belleville.

Every parish has been an excellent experience for me, fun and inspirational because every parish has had enthusiastic parishioners with tremendous faith and powerful prayer.

Every parish has given me many fond memories, lots of parishioners who are still friends of mine, and faith-filled support that inspired me to try to be a better priest.

Jan and Francis will find that out in the years to come. I have been blessed to find that out in every parish I have been in - and I continue to be blessed here as the pastor of St. Joseph's in Belleville.

The Good.....The Bad.....and The Funny

"A dog accepts you as the boss.....A cat wants to see your resume."

Entry by Rev. Timothy Shea at 15:00 on 2014/07/01

I have a big family - almost 100 first cousins - for some of them, summer begins with the long weekend in May when serious drinking is initiated; for some of them, summer begins June 21st because it is the official start of summer; for some it is today, "Canada Day".

For me, summer begins today because everything in the parish slows down for a couple of months....no meetings, no school, no Youth Group, no Children's Liturgy, fewer appointments, etc....

The summer gives us all a chance to recharge and renew.

I hope you are able to take advantage of this summer. Enjoy your holidays. Enjoy the slower pace to life. Enjoy the warm weather and sunny days.

"The Good....The Bad....and The Funny"

A Sunday School teacher asked her class to draw pictures of their favorite Bible stories. She was puzzled by Kyle's picture, which showed four people on an airplane, so she asked him which story it was meant to represent.

"The flight to Egypt," said Kyle.

"I see ... And that must be Mary, Joseph, and Baby Jesus," Ms. Terri said.

"But who's the fourth person?"

"Oh, that's Pontius-the Pilot.

Entry by Rev. Timothy Shea at 11:00 on 2014/06/12

I am still basking in the pleasure of my 40th Anniversary of Ordination. There were three ways I enjoyed the celebration of my forty years of priesthood.

First, the parish hosted a Mass and a dinner for me and my family. It was wonderful to be able to celebrate with my brothers, sisters-in-law, nieces, nephews, aunts, uncles and cousins.

Then there was the reception sponsored by the Belleville parishes for me and my classmates, Richard Whalen and John Hibbard. We saw a lot of people there. It was great.

And third, I received many cards, letters and e-mails from former parishioners in Kingston, Trenton, Lanark, Elgin and Morrisburg.

Those forty years of priesthood have been great for me - and the 40th Anniversary celebrations have been awesome!

"The Good.....The Bad.....and The Funny"

There was a hysterical call at the fire department, and it went like this:

"Help me, please help me; there is a cat meowing and yowling with frequency and urgency. It is going to hurt me, it's going to kill me; can you please help me, and send the fire squad right away?"

"Take it easy, cats don't hurt us, just relax, wait until he leaves."

"You don't understand, it is going to bite me, it is going to kill me; it is going to be fatal!"

"Cats aren't like snakes or spiders that are poisonous, by the way who is calling?"

"I'm Josephine's parrot! Help me please, please help"

Entry by Rev. Timothy Shea at 09:00 on 2014/05/14

This past month has been very exciting for me: Holy Week, Easter, my 40th anniversary and a holiday. The whole month was awesome!

Our Holy Week celebrations were solemn, meaningful and uplifting. Easter brought joy and a renewed optimism brought about by the power of God's love.

On Friday, April 25th, I was able to celebrate the 40th anniversary of my Ordination with my family. Joining my priest friends were my brothers, my sisters-in-law, my nieces and nephews, my uncles and aunts, and my cousins. It was a very happy celebration!!

Then on Sunday, April 27th, I joined my classmates and fellow Belleville pastors, John Hibbard from Holy Rosary Church and Richard Whalen from St. Michael's Church, for a big city-wide reception marking our 40th anniversary. The crowd was huge and another fantastic celebration. I was able to have a short visit there with many friends, parishioners and former parishioners from some of the other parishes I have served.

Thank you so much to all who made my 40th anniversary so special!!

"The Good....The Bad....and The Funny"

At a motivational seminar 3 men are asked to come up to the stage. They are all asked, "When you are in your casket and friends and family are mourning upon you, what would you like to hear them say about you?

The first guy says, "I would like to hear them say that I was the great doctor of my time, and a great family man."

The second guy says, "I would like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and school teacher who made a huge difference in our children of tomorrow."

The last guy replies, "I would like to hear them say....Look!!! He's moving!!!!"

Entry by Rev. Timothy Shea at 03:45 on 2014/04/14

Time flies when you are having fun.....It really flies when you thoroughly enjoy being a priest. This month I celebrate forty wonderful years as a priest. I have a great life. As a matter of fact, I am always saying that I have a charmed life because everything seems to turn out perfectly for me.

God takes care of me. Ever since I was young, I learned that God is smarter than me - so I try to follow what he wants me to do and it has turned out to be fun and thoroughly enjoyable.

So, after forty years of priesthood this is my advice for you:

- Accept that God is smarter than you.
- Try to follow the signals He gives you.
- Trust that things will turn out fine.
- Be willing to let your life be an adventure.
- Make the best of every situation.
- Look for the goodness in every person.
- Don't panic when life is a challenge.
- Every morning invite God to spend the day with you.
- Every night thank God for that day.
- Have fun, let time fly....

"The Good.....The Bad.....and The Funny"

A Sunday school teacher of preschoolers was concerned that his students might be a little confused about Jesus Christ because of the Christmas season emphasis on His birth. He wanted to make sure they understood that the birth of Jesus occurred for real. He asked his class, "Where is Jesus today?" Steven raised his hand and said, "He's in Heaven." Mary was called on and answered, "He's in my heart." Little Johnny, waiving his hand furiously, blurted out, "I know, I know! He's in our bathroom!!" The whole class got very quiet, looked at the teacher, and waited for a response. The teacher was completely at a loss for a few very long seconds. Finally, he gathered his wits and asked Little Johnny how he knew this. Little Johnny said, "Well....every morning, my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door, and yells, "Good Lord, are you still in there?!"

Entry by Rev. Timothy Shea at 03:30 on 2014/04/03

We are now in the homestretch of Lent. Having just completed our Parish Mission, we can now focus on Holy Week, The Passion of Jesus and the Joy of the Resurrection.

No matter how your Lent has gone so far, make sure you put extra effort into this last part of Lent.

Imagine what it must have been like for Jesus: Determined to complete his mission of preaching in Jerusalem and knowing there was a conspiracy planning to kill him - and yet he completed his mission.

Each of us has a mission to take advantage of the blessings of Lent and Easter. To be determined to do our part in trying to be in better shape spiritually, to show God we love Him, to appreciate God's blessings, to participate in the Holy Week celebrations.

GIVE IT YOUR BEST EFFORT!!

"The Good.....The Bad.....and The Funny"

Miss Jones had been giving her second-grade students a lesson on science. She had explained about magnets and showed they would pick up nails and other bits of iron. Now, it was question time and she asked, "My name starts with the letter 'M' and I pick up things. What am I?"

A little boy in the front row said, "You're a Mother."

Entry by Rev. Timothy Shea at 08:00 on 2014/03/17

We survived this good old Canadian winter. March has the first day of spring. Hopefully winter has had its last hurrah. Soon we will transfer our weather talk to warmer days and possibly rain. Certainly the days are getting longer and brighter.

Also we are surviving lent and the extra effort we are putting into our faith and into our relationship with God.

April has Easter. Soon we will transfer the message of our prayers from sorrow for our sins and requesting forgiveness to enjoying blessings and the Grace of God. Certainly our Lenten efforts help us to be closer to God.

Keep to your Lenten resolutions. Look forward to Holy Week and Easter. Look forward to this Lent helping you to be holier....and happier!!

"The Good....The Bad....and The Funny"

15 Exercises we would be better off without in 2014....

1. Jumping on the bandwagon
2. Wading through paperwork
3. Running around in circles
4. Pushing your luck
5. Spinning your wheels
6. Adding fuel to the fire
7. Beating your head against the wall
8. Climbing the walls
9. Beating your own drum
10. Dragging your heels
11. Jumping to conclusions
12. Grasping at straws
13. Fishing for compliments
14. Throwing your weight around
15. Passing the buck

Entry by Rev. Timothy Shea at 10:00 on 2014/02/24

Ash Wednesday is March 5th, with Lent on the horizon. It is time for you to consider how you are going to take advantage of this very special spiritual opportunity to prepare for the blessings of Easter.

There are at least 3 strategies that you should include as you plan your Lenten efforts:

1. Include some sort of sacrifice that will challenge your discipline.
2. Spend more time praying as an individual and as a family.
3. Attend some parish Lenten celebrations such as daily Mass or Stations of the Cross.

Lent is an opportunity to develop better discipline so you can resist temptation; to spend more time praying so that you can have a better relationship with God.

Now is the time to plan your Lent. Be ready on Ash Wednesday!!

"The Good.....The Bad.....and The Funny"

Ramblings of a Retired Mind....Part 2

- The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
- The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.
- When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to your youth, think of Algebra.
- Aging: Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.

Entry by Rev. Timothy Shea at 04:00 on 2014/01/28

Last year at this time, we were getting ready for Ash Wednesday. This year Ash Wednesday is still over a month away. Last year we had an early Easter, when it had a rare March date. This year we have a late Easter.

The date for Easter is determined by the story of Moses in the Old Testament book, "Exodus". The famous Passover meal was on the night of the first full moon of the spring....Then, 1200 years later, Jesus has the Last Supper with his apostles on the Passover night. Then he is arrested, crucified and rises on the first day of the week following the Passover, which was on the night of the first full moon of the spring.

For us, Easter is always the first Sunday after the first full moon after March 21st. This year it is April 20th!!

"The Good....The Bad....and The Funny"

Ramblings of a Retired Mind....Part I

I was thinking about how a status symbol of today is those cell phones that everyone has clipped onto their belt or purse. I can't afford one. So, I'm wearing my garage door opener.

I also made a cover for my hearing aid and now I have what they call blue teeth, I think.

Entry by Rev. Timothy Shea at 08:00 on 2014/01/20

So far we have had a good old Canadian winter: very cold December, a white Christmas, deep snow, icy roads and sidewalks, rose red cheeks, record-setting cold temperatures, etc....

As we approach the end of January, we can tell that there is more daylight, and although it is still cold, there is knowledge that this winter stuff is temporary. As Canadians, we have learned to enjoy what winter brings us: beautiful scenery, the thrill of skiing, skating and hockey, curling, sliding down hills on toboggans, snow mobiles, fresh air, building snow men, and lots of conversation about the weather.

Some visitors to Canada are amazed at how we adapt, make some adjustments and enjoy the winter as much as we can - and thrive with a Canadian positive attitude.

You know - in a way - we have learned that from our faith. Canada was settled by Catholic missionaries, Catholic explorers, and Catholic leaders. Canada's first schools were Catholic, Canada's first hospitals were Catholic, Canada's first social services were Catholic.

The people who made Canada home were people of faith, people who trusted that God would take care of them, people who accepted what God had given them and enjoyed the good and the bad. Canada is a country with many challenges. It is for people who are tough and optimistic, who are creative and have a sense of humour. It is for you and me - and for you and me and God. We have God with us - and when you have God with you, everything is better; every day is better.

"The Good....The Bad....and The Funny"

What's in a name?

Do you remember the famous Olympic skier Picabo Street (pronounced Peek-a-Boo) Well, Picabo is not just an athlete. She is now a nurse currently working at an Intensive Care Unit of a large metropolitan hospital. She is not permitted to answer the hospital telephones any longer. It caused too much confusion when she would answer the phone and say, Picabo, I.C.U.

Entry by Rev. Timothy Shea at 10:00 on 2013/12/30

This time of year has a lot of special days congested into a couple of weeks.

It starts with the conclusion of Advent: our final preparations for Christmas both spiritually and socially. Then Christmas celebrations with family, friends and parish, followed by The Feast of The Holy Family, a time to appreciate our own family and being part of God's family. The special days conclude with New Year's Day when we make our resolutions to be better.

So, how have you done through the holiday season? Were you ready for Christmas? Did you enjoy the celebrations? Did you enjoy your family? What are you going to do to be a better person? If you have good answers for all these questions, then you have Happy Holidays!!

"The Good.....the Bad.....and the Funny"

Perks of reaching 50, or being over 60 and heading towards 70 or beyond....

1. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
2. In a hostage situation, you are likely to be released first.
3. No one expects you to run...anywhere.
4. People call at 9pm, (or 9am) and ask, 'Did I wake you?'
5. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
6. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
7. Things you buy now will never wear out.
8. You can eat supper at 4pm.
10. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
11. You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room.
12. Your secrets are safe with you friends because they can't remember them either.

Entry by Rev. Timothy Shea at 03:30 on 2013/12/18

I just had a look at the photos on this website from the Third Sunday of Advent. Unfortunately they are photos of me. For those who do not know the full story....I have been here at St. Joseph's for 5 years and every year on the Third Sunday of Advent, some parishioners complained because I would not wear pink vestments to match lighting the pink candle on the Advent wreath.

Finally on the First Sunday of Advent, I told the parishioners that if I found a loose $100 bill in the collection on the Second Sunday of Advent I would wear the pink vestments this year. To my surprise, there were EIGHT $100 bills in the collection - so I wore the pink vestments - and my pictures showed up on our website!!

"The Good.....The Bad.....and The Funny!"

Grandparents' Answering Machine Message: "Good morning...At present we are not at home, but please leave your message after you hear the beep.

.....beeeeeppp.....

If you are one of our children, dial 1 and then select the option from 1 to 5 in order of 'birth date' so we know who it is.

If you need us to stay with the children, press 2.

If you want to borrow the car, press 3.

If you want us to wash your clothes and do ironing, press 4.

If you want the grandchildren to sleep here tonight, press 5.

If you want us to pick up the kids at school, press 6.

If you want us to prepare a meal for Sunday or to have it delivered to your home, press 7.

If you want to come to eat here, press 8.

If you need money, press 9.

If you are going to invite us to dinner or take us to the theatre; start talking.....we are listening!"

Entry by Rev. Timothy Shea at 10:00 on 2013/12/09

Twice during the year the priests go on a "Confession Tour". Each year in the weeks before Christmas and the weeks before Easter, we help out other priests with their school confessions and their parish confessions.

For me, I will be going to the schools in Read and Picton - and Fathers Kelly, Harrison and Finn will help at St. Joseph's School.

Also, I will help at Holy Name Church, Marysville; St. Peter's, Trenton; St. Gregory's, Picton; Holy Rosary and St. Michael's in Belleville.

Then five of those priests will come here to St. Joseph's to help with our parish confessions.

This is one of the ways we respond to John the Baptist's Advent message: "REPENT".

So, there are many opportunities for you to go to confession.

It makes a difference!!

"The Good....The Bad....and The Funny"

*Top Ten Gifts Your Wife Doesn't Want For Christmas*

10. A car wash kit

9. A table saw

8. Two all-day passes to Circuit City's Home Theatre Installation Seminar

7. A case of oil

6. Five-year subscription to Sports Illustrated

5. Custom engraved bowling ball

4. New outboard motor for fishing boat

3. Rambo Trilogy on DVD

2. New satellite dish with sports package

1. Three-year membership to Weight-Watchers Clinic

Entry by Rev. Timothy Shea at 03:00 on 2013/11/25

It has been awhile since my last blog because I was on holidays and then was too busy with a backlog of work when I returned....so here is a new entry based on reaction to last Sunday's homily about Christ the King. Here are the Top Ten Signs Christ is your King:

10. You do not join in with the people who are saying bad things or doing wrong things.
9. You do not put down people who are having a difficult time.
8. You have symbols of your faith to remind you of your relationship with God, (Palms, Ashes, Crucifix)
7. You treat people in a way that you would like to be treated.
6. You admit to your sins and ask for forgiveness.
5. You receive the Sacraments, especially Holy communion.
4. You pray every day.
3. Regularly you thank God for blessing you, protecting you, loving you.
2. You are willing to forgive people.
1. The #1 sign that Christ is your King: You are a good person who lives a good life!

"The Good....The Bad....and The Funny"

A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer. All of a sudden, he said out loud, "Lord, grant me one wish."

Suddenly the sky clouded above his head and in a booming voice, the Lord said, "Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish."

The man said, "Please, Lord, build a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over anytime I wish."

The Lord said, "Your request is very materialistic. Think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking, the supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific, the concrete and steel it would take! I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of another wish, a wish you think would honor and glorify me."

The man thought about it for a long time. Finally he said, "Lord, I wish that I could understand women. I want to know how they feel inside, what they are thinking when they give me the silent treatment, why they cry, what they mean when they say 'nothing', and how I can make a woman truly happy."

The Lord said, "Do you want two or four lanes on that bridge?"

Entry by Rev. Timothy Shea at 09:30 on 2013/10/25

I do not know how it happened that Halloween has evolved into the big night that it is now, but it started as a significant religious event.

The word "Hallowe'en" is a contraction for two words: Hallowed Evening. It was a holy night just before All Saints Day, (November 1st) and All Souls Day, (November 2nd).

Rumour has it that to prepare for those two holy days, the evening of October 31st was used to collect names of saints to pray to on November 1st and names of souls to pray for on November 2nd.

Probably people went to the cemetery on Hallowe'en to get the names of Saints, (people who had died long ago), and to get the names of souls, (people who had died recently).

So, maybe it was that visit to the cemetery that eventually evolved into a night of ghosts and goblins, etc....

"The Good....The Bad....and The Funny"

Three old ladies were discussing the trials and tribulations of getting older. One said, "Sometimes I catch myself with a jar of mayonnaise in my hand while standing in front of the refrigerator, and I can't remember whether I need to put it away or start making a sandwich." The second lady chimed in with, "Yes, sometimes I find myself on the landing of the stairs and can't remember whether I was on my way up or on my way down." The third one responded, "Well, ladies, I'm glad I don't have that problem, knock on wood," as she rapped her knuckles on the table and then said, "That must be the door, I'll get it!"

Entry by Rev. Timothy Shea at 11:00 on 2013/10/16

For Catholics all around the world, October is Mission Month. It is a time dedicated to praying for the poor of the world; praying for missionaries who are with the poor and helping them.

There is even WORLD MISSION SUNDAY when every Catholic parish in the world has a special collection to help these poor people and to support Catholic missionaries in developing countries.

Please participate during Mission Month: pray for people in mission lands and be generous to the Mission Sunday collection.

Also, you can do an extra bit of mission yourself by donating whatever unused goods you have to The St. Vincent de Paul Society on "Bundle Sunday", October 27th, 2013. Bring your donations to Mass that weekend. Put them in the St. Vincent de Paul truck. Then the St. Vincent de Paul Society will distribute items to needy families to help them through the winter.

October is Mission Month for all of us.

"The Good....The Bad....and The Funny"

This is the story of a blonde flying in a two-seater airplane with just the pilot.

He has a heart attack and dies. She frantically calls out a May Day.

"May Day! May Day! Help me! Help me! My pilot had a heart attack and is dead and I don't know how to fly. Help me! Please help me!"

She hears a voice over the radio saying, "This is Air Traffic Control and I have you loud and clear. I will talk you through this and get you back on the ground. I've had a lot of experience with this kind of problem. Now, just take a deep breath. Everything will be fine! Now give me your height and position."

She says, "I'm 5' 4" and I'm in the front seat."

"O.K." says the voice on the radio.... "Repeat after me: Our Father, Who art in Heaven....."

Entry by Rev. Timothy Shea at 11:00 on 2013/10/01

Well, we had the Ordination of Francis Zambon to the Diaconate. The first Ordination ever in St. Joseph's Church.

Francis had spent his internship year in our parish. For our parishioners it was an emotional ceremony because they really care about Francis. We were so proud of him. We have prayed for him ever since he came here at the beginning of his internship, and we prayed for him as he lay prostrate on the floor during the Litany of Saints. It was inspiring to witness a young man dedicating his life to serving God. It was a reminder to everyone that each one of us is being called by God to be a servant.

How has God called you? Who is it that God wants you to serve? How do you fit into God's plan? How can you re-dedicate your life to serving God?

That was Francis' Ordination, but it was an Ordination for all of us.

"The Good....The Bad....and The Funny"

Husband and wife had a tiff. Wife called up her mom and said, "He fought with me again, I am coming to live with you."

Mom said, "No darling, he must pay for his mistake. I am coming to live with you!"

Entry by Rev. Timothy Shea at 04:00 on 2013/09/13

It is very exciting for our parish to have its first Ordination here on September 28th.

That day, Francis Zambon, who spent his internship year with us, will be ordained a Deacon.

Before priesthood, every candidate must spend some time serving the church as a Deacon. If all goes well, then ordination to the priesthood follows. So Francis will probably be ordained a priest next May or June at St. Mary's Cathedral in Kingston.

In the meantime, Francis will be a Deacon in a parish in London, Ontario where the Seminary is.

Deacons can baptize, perform weddings and preach at Mass.

His Diaconate Ordination is a first for St. Joseph's which has been a parish for 61 years.

"The Good.....The Bad.....and The Funny"

Wife to her husband, "There is trouble with the car. It has water in the carburetor."

Husband: "Water in the carburetor? That's ridiculous"

Wife: "I tell you the car has water in the carburetor."

Husband: "You don't even know what a carburetor is. I'll check it out. Where's the car?"

Wife: "In the pool."

Entry by Rev. Timothy Shea at 03:00 on 2013/08/28

Of course school starts in September. It is a different way of life for the next ten months.

For me this September has special school significance. This September is the 100th anniversary of St. Augustine's Seminary, the school where I studied for the priesthood. Actually, St. Augustine's Seminary was the school where all of our St. Joseph's priests have studied: Father Buckley, Monsignor Carley, Father O'Neil and me.

It is also the seminary attended by our parishioner, Justin Pulikunnel. He will be ordained next year.

It will be a great experience going back to St. Augustine's Seminary to see some old friends and to take a trip down memory lane.

"The Good....The Bad....and The Funny"

A little girl asked her mother, "How did humans get started?" The mother answered, "God made Adam and Eve and they had children and so people were on the earth ever after."
Later she asked her father the same question. The father answered, "Many years ago, there were only monkeys, but some of the monkeys grew and changed and became people."
The confused child returned to her mother and said, Mom, how is it possible that you told me that the first people were created by God and Papa says they used to be monkeys?"
With a smile the mother answered, "Well dear, it is very simple. I told you how my side of the family started and your Dad told you about his side."

Entry by Rev. Timothy Shea at 04:00 on 2013/08/19

This week I have a chance to enjoy a few days at our family cottage. I always look forward to getting some time at the lake. When I was a kid, my brothers and I and our mother would be at the cottage from the day after school was out until the week before school started. We had wonderful summers, swimming, fishing, having adventures with our cousins. It as great.

I am old now, but being at the cottage makes me feel young. It is the same for all my brothers. As a result, for all of us, the cottage is family headquarters all summer long. Especially on Sundays.

Also, it is a place for us with hundreds of warm memories.

This is the advantage of being old....you have a larger catalogue of memories. Memories of family and fun, but also of blessings from God.

No matter what your age. Treasure those memories and thank God!

"The Good....The Bad....and The Funny"

Did I Read That Sign Right?....

- In a Laundromat: Automatic Washing Machines: Please remove all your clothes when the light goes out.
- In a London department store: Bargain Basement Upstairs
- In an office: Would the person who took the step ladder yesterday please bring it back or further steps will be taken.
- Outside a Second-Hand Shop: We exchange anything - bicycles, washing machines, etc. Why not bring your wife along and get a wonderful bargain?
- Notice in Health Food Shop Window: Closed due to Illness.

Entry by Rev. Timothy Shea at 11:00 on 2013/08/06

As you probably know - last month I announced that our parish was sending $1,000. to the McCallum family in High River, Alberta. They are friends of Nick Zambon, the brother of our seminarian, Francis. Their family of ten children were victims of the flooding.

At that time I also announced that I would wait nine days to send the money so that parishioners, if they wished, could add to the parish donation by making their own donation. The following weekend, over $7,900. came in from parishioners - so, we rounded off the total donation to the McCallum family from our parish to $8,100.

This past week I received a phone call from Gerry and Shelly McCallum thanking our parish for helping them. Gerry said that receiving our cheque for $8,100. was "like a miracle" for his family.

What a great parish we have!!!

"The Good....The Bad....and The Funny"

Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. Getting back together, they discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother.

The first said, "I built a big house for our mother."
The second said, "I sent her a Mercedes with a driver."
The third smiled and said, "I've got you both beat. Remember how mom enjoyed reading the Bible? And you know she can't see very well. I sent her a remarkable parrot that recites the entire Bible. It took elders in the church 12 years to teach him. He's one of a kind. Mama just has to name the chapter and verse, and the parrot recites it."

Soon thereafter, mom sent a letter to each son. "Milton," she wrote one son, "the house you built is so huge. I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house."
"Gerald," she wrote to another, "I am too old to travel. I stay most of the time at home, so I rarely use the Mercedes. And the driver is so rude!"
"Dearest Donald," she wrote to her third son, "you have the good sense to know what your mother likes. The chicken was delicious."

Entry by Rev. Timothy Shea at 11:00 on 2013/07/23

Sometimes it is interesting how things evolve.

For example: I have been writing a blog here since this website began more than a year ago....but since last summer, only one person said that he read my blog - and he was from Ottawa!! Then when we stopped publishing bulletins for the summer, the last bulletin mentioned that parishioners should check the website for information, etc....

Well, that notice made a big difference....as of last weekend, two more people told me they read my blog - so that doubles my blog readers. One little comment in the bulletin and results are doubled....Sometimes it is interesting how thing evolve.

Actually, this is a good lesson for us on how life evolves. When you get a chance sometime this summer, look back on your life. Appreciate how it has evolved. How did you get here to this point? What were some of the things that brought change? How has God been there for you?

It is interesting how life evolves!!

"The Good....The Bad....and The Funny"

Ten Telltale Signs that you're Getting Older....

1. You and your teeth don't sleep together.
2. You try to straighten out the wrinkles in your socks and discover you aren't wearing any.
3. It takes two tries to get up from the couch.
4. When your idea of a night out is sitting on the patio.
5. When all you want for your birthday is to not be reminded of your age.
6. Your address book has mostly names that start with Dr.
7. Everything hurts, and what doesn't hurt - doesn't work.
8. You look for your glasses for half an hour and they were on you head the whole time.
9. Your back goes out but you stay home.
10. You have more patience, but it is actually that you just don't care anymore.

Entry by Rev. Timothy Shea at 01:30 on 2013/07/02

Parish life slows down during the summer: no school; few meetings; organizations take a break; etc....

With less going on in the parish it is more difficult to fill up the weekly bulletin, so there is no parish bulletin during the summer.

You have come to the right place to get parish information. Check out our last bulletin for summer events. Also, take a look at our photo gallery for pictures of the Parish Picnic, Ball Hockey, etc....

Also, the schedule for this week's Mass Intentions is here. Check it out too!!

Summer time and the living is easy....more details next blog....

"The Good....The Bad....and the Funny...."

A young couple invited their elderly pastor for Sunday dinner. While they were in the kitchen preparing the meal, the minister asked their son what they were having. "Goat," the little boy replied. "Goat?" replied the startled man of the cloth, "Are you sure about that?" "Yep," said the youngster. "I heard Dad say to Mom, 'Today is just as good as any to have the old goat for dinner.'"

Entry by Rev. Timothy Shea at 01:30 on 2013/06/11

Do you know why the colour of the priest's vestments change?

It is because, for the church, some colours are symbolic. So.....this time of year the vestments are green because green symbolizes growth. During the summer there are no big celebrations and it is just "Ordinary Time" for our faith to grow, so the priest wears green.

Most other times during the year, we are celebrating something special. You will see the priest wearing purple, which symbolized repentance and spiritual preparation, during the four weeks before Christmas, (Advent), and during the six weeks before Easter, (Lent).

For the seasons of Christmas and Easter, you will see the priest wearing white because it symbolizes joy!

The other colour you see once in awhile is red. It symbolizes The Holy Spirit or the feast day of a martyr. Red, for the fire of The Holy Spirit and the blood of martyrs.

Other times you will see these colours: White for weddings, baptisms and funerals, red for Palm Sunday and Good Friday.

So keep an eye on the colour of the vestments.

"The Good....The Bad....and The Funny"

A passenger in a taxi leaned over to ask the driver a question and tapped him on the shoulder. The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb, and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window.

For a few moments everything was silent in the cab, and then the still shaking driver said, "I'm sorry, but you scared the daylights out of me."

The frightened passenger apologized to the driver and said he didn't realize a mere tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much.

The driver replied, "No, no, I'm sorry, it's entirely my fault. Today is my first day driving a cab. I've been driving a hearse for the last 25 years!"

Entry by Rev. Timothy Shea at 10:45 on 2013/05/21

Last year our parish was fortunate in having Francis Zambon do his internship year at St. Joseph's.

An internship year is a necessary part of completing studies to be ordained to the priesthood.

Usually there are five years of formal studies in a seminary; then there is the internship year; then another year of studies before becoming a deacon; and finally one last year of studies in preparation to being ordained a priest.

Francis is back at St. Joseph's Parish for the summer. The big news is that his Ordination to the Diaconate will be here on September 28th. The bigger news is that he will be ordained a priest one year from now.

Francis will be a great priest.

Keep praying for him.

"The Good.....The Bad.....and The Funny"

GRANDMAS ARE SMART......I was out walking with my grandson. He picked up something from the ground and started to put it in his mouth. I took the item away from him and I asked him not to do that.

"Why?" my grandson asked.

I replied, "because it's been on the ground and you don't know where it's been. It's dirty and probably has germs, and sometimes germs make little boys sick and not feel good."

At this point, my grandson looked at me with total admiration and asked, "Grandma, how do you know all this stuff?? You are so smart."

I was thinking quickly and said to him, "All Grandmas know stuff. It's on the Grandma Test. You have to know it, or they don't let you be a Grandma."

We walked along in silence for two or three minutes; he was evidently pondering this new information.

"Oh...I get it! He beamed, so if you don't pass the test you have to be the Grandpa."

"Exactly," I replied with a big smile on my face.

Entry by Rev. Timothy Shea at 03:45 on 2013/05/02

Well, since my last blog, I have had a wonderful holiday, celebrated First Communion and Confirmation. It was great to get away on my holiday, especially after the busy times of Lent, Holy Week and Easter.

But immediately following the holiday, it was back to an accelerated schedule. It seems modern life is like that. Everybody faces deadlines. Luckily for me, I am busy with spiritual things and my deadlines usually involve celebration.

So, I have a built in Balance to being too busy because I have prayer and the Sacraments.

Everybody needs to balance their "Busy-ness" with time for prayer and blessings.

What do you need to do to put more Balance in your life? What do you need to change so you have more time to pray? How can you make more room for God in your life so that you can truly enjoy life?

If you are too busy to pray, you are too busy!!

"The Good.....The Bad.....and The Funny....."

Saint Peter is sitting at the Pearly Gates when two guys wearing dark hoodies, and sagging pants, arrive.

St. Peter looked out through the Gates and said, "Wait here. I'll be right back." St. Peter goes over to God's chambers and tells him who is waiting for entrance.

God says to Peter: "How many times do I have to tell you? You can't be judgmental here. This is heaven. All are loved. All are brothers. Go back and let them in!"

St. Peter goes back to the Gates, looks around, and lets out a heavy sigh. He returns to God's chambers and says, "Well, they're gone."

The guys wearing hoodies?" asked God.

"No. The Pearly Gates."

Entry by Rev. Timothy Shea at 03:15 on 2013/03/22

Every day the sun rises in the east. That is why the most important faith celebration of the year is called EASTER.

Jesus, the Son, rises from the dead to lead us to Heaven. The first Christians decided to name this day Easter because they wanted people to think of the Son, (Jesus), rising every day.

So, when you think of the sun rising every day, think of Jesus rising to lead you to everlasting life in Heaven.

The sacrifice of Jesus dying on the cross on Good Friday, celebrates that we are forgiven.

The resurrection of Jesus at Easter, celebrates that we will live forever in Heaven.

HAPPY EASTER!!

"The Good....The Bad....and The Funny"

It was Palm Sunday but because of a sore throat, 5-year-old Johnny stayed home from church with a sitter. When the family returned home, they were carrying several palm fronds. Johnny asked them what they were for.

"People held them over Jesus' head as he walked by," his father told him.

"Wouldn't you know it," Johnny fumed, "the one Sunday I don't go and He shows up."

Entry by Rev. Timothy Shea at 03:45 on 2013/03/08

Well, How have you done so far with Lent??

I hope you have had some success with your Lent....

Lent is such a special opportunity for us to show God that we want to improve our faith, our prayer life and our relationship with God. If we do not take advantage of our Lenten opportunity, it means we are coasting, spiritually. So, hopefully your Lent has been good so far.

However, Lent is like a marathon, a 40 day marathon. It is not how you start. It is how you finish that is important.

Make sure you finish Lent putting extra effort into your faith, your prayer, your relationship with God!

"The Good.....The Bad.....and The Funny"

Little known facts about the Catholic Church in Las Vegas:

"There are more churches in Las Vegas than casinos. During Sunday services, at the offetory, some worshippers contribute casino chips as opposed to cash. Some are sharing their winnings - some are hoping to win. Since they get chips from so many different casinos, the Catholic churches are required to send all the chips into the diocese for sorting. Once sorted into the respective casino chips, one junior priest takes the chips and makes the rounds to the casinos turning chips into cash. And he, of course, is known as The Chip Monk.

Gotcha ya.....You didn't really believe that was true, did you?"

Entry by Rev. Timothy Shea at 10:35 on 2013/02/14

The word "Lent" is from an old Anglo-Saxon word which means "Springtime." Each year part of Lent is after March 21st, which is the beginning of the season of spring.

Spring is when there is New Life in nature. Lent is when there should be New Spiritual Life for us.

That is the challenge for you.

During this Lent, put NEW LIFE into your faith by coming up with some kind of meaningful sacrifice. Also, put NEW LIFE into your relationship with God by praying more as an individual, as a couple, and as a family.

Challenge yourself. Make this your BEST LENT EVER!

"The Good.....The Bad.....and The Funny"

One morning a man on crutches stopped by a catholic church and splashed some holy water on both his legs and then threw away his crutches. An altar boy witnessed the scene and ran to tell the pastor.

"Son, you've just witnessed a miracle!", the priest cried. "Tell me, where is this man now?"

"Flat on his back over by the holy water," the boy said.

Entry by Rev. Timothy Shea at 04:00 on 2013/02/01

Lent is coming....and earlier than usual.

Here is the story:

Easter is always the first Sunday after the first full moon after spring equinox, which is March 21st, 12 hours of daylight with 12 hours of darkness.

So, usually Easter is in April, but this year it is the last Sunday of March because there is an early full moon. That means Lent starts really early this year on February 13th, Ash Wednesday.

Be ready. Lent will be here soon. Be ready!!

"The Good....The Bad....and The Funny"

A little boy was waiting for his mother to come out of the grocery Store.

As he waited, he was approached by a man named Terry who asked, "Son, can You tell me where the Post Office is?"

The little boy replied, "Sure! Just go straight down this street a coupla blocks and it is there on your right."

Terry thanked the boy kindly and said, "I'm the new pastor in town. I'd like for you to come to church on Sunday. I'll show you how to get into Heaven."

The little boy replied with a chuckle. "Awww, come on, not going to happen... You don't even
know the way to the Post Office"

Entry by Rev. Timothy Shea at 10:00 on 2013/01/09

Well, the hockey lockout is finally over....hockey is almost a religion in Canada. They cheer for their teams religiously....Their team is in a losing streak or has some bad luck and they blame the hockey gods....Why are we so passionate about hockey? Why do we care so much about a game??

It is because as Canadians, we grow up with hockey; our earliest memories are of playing hockey; of watching our brothers and sisters play; of gathering with family and friends to cheer together; of using hockey as an excuse for doing something together. It is part of being Canadian. It is who we are. We cannot help it. It is just naturally in us.

Another, more important thing that is in us naturally, is our instinct to have God in our life. It is part of being human. It is who we are. We are made of body and soul.

It is your soul that desires God in your life. It is your soul that wants you to be a spiritual person: to pray, to come to church, to get closer to God. Be passionate about having a great relationship with God. Take advantage of your spirituality. Pray. Come to church. Receive the sacraments. Care more about your religion.

....The Good....The Bad....And The Funny....

A new pastor was visiting the homes of his parishioners.

At one house, it seemed obvious that someone was at home, but no answer came to his repeated knocks at the door. Therefore, he took out a card and wrote, "Revelation 3:20" on the back of it and stuck it in the door.

When the offering was processed the following Sunday, he found that his card had been returned. Added to it was this cryptic message, "Genesis 3:10".

Reaching for his bible to check out the citation, he broke up in gales of laughter.

Revelation 3:20 begins, "Behold, I stand at the door and knock." Genesis 3:10 reads, "I heard your voice in the garden and I was afraid, for I was naked."

St. Joseph's Catholic Church of Belleville | 399 Victoria Ave. | Belleville ON | 613.968.9950 | Copyright 2017